parenting

5 WAYS TO HELP OUR KIDS COPE DURING THIS PANDEMIC

September 21, 2020 by Little Miss Honey

I mentioned before that this Covid 19 pandemic doesn’t only affect us but our young kids too. Sometimes we forgot that in spite the fact that they maybe too young to understand what is happening in the world today, they are still inadvertently affected by all this. There is a disruption to the normal flow of things and in their lives. We need to take in account our kids in our home and help them cope with the #thenewnormal during this pandemic. Online classes replaced the regular classes. Kids are not allowed to enter any public establishments. They are coop inside the house with nowhere else to go.

Here are 5 ways to help our kids cope during this pandemic:

Go easy on them

Like I mention in my last blog post (See: 12 Mental Health Care Tips During Covid 19) . We are more understanding if our kids are acting up more these days because being coop up inside the house most days can be too restricting for their hyperactive energies. I try to be more patient and don’t go ‘psycho-mom‘ on them when I see them turn our sofa into an indoor playground obstacle or when they spill crackers all over the floor. A reprimand is still on order if they get really really naughty but sometimes my husband and I let it go with a reminder (or sometimes constant reminders). We allow them to sleep in and sleep a little later than usual. We normally not allow the kids to use phones to play games but recently, we allowed our eldest to play pre-approved games on my phone on weekends. We allow a certain amount of leniency and we try not too be too stringent with our rules. We give the kids a space for them to be kids and have fun.

2. Create routines for them

Because the normal flow of things has been disrupted, it is best to create a consistent routine for the kids to minimise a chaotic atmosphere and to give a sense of calm & consistency especially for anxious kids. The kids have their usual breakfast around 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning followed by bath time then followed by online class. We would have lunch then nap time after. They would have their snack time after the wake up from their nap. We would give Naj some short writing exercises before they watch TV. Sometimes Howell wants to join in the writing exercises so we would give him some writing exercises if he feels like it. Kids knows exactly the night time routine of brushing teeth, wash feet ang nighttime prayers. Kids needs the normalcy and consistency in their own house despite the chaos that is going outside.

3. Let them get creative

This time is a perfect time for them to enhance their creative juices. My kids loves playing with the blocks and they have interesting creations that they often show off to Mommy & Daddy. We are amazed at what they can create. They also love to draw robots on paper or create invented drawing games. Naj would think up of games for him and his brother which allows them to run around the house sweating and laughing like “Sticky Popcorn Catch Me If You Can”, “Jump Jump Race”, “Camel Ride”, “Transforming Themselves Into Vehicles” & “Santa Claus & the Reindeer”. They would also cut up A4 paper using their hands and put scotch tape on the cut out to create robots, though we have banned them from doing this already because they were creating so much flying mess and lots of wasted paper. Sometimes, they are just happy colouring their colour books. We are glad that they don’t spend the whole day staring blankly at the TV screen.

4. Teach them responsibilities

Being stuck at home is a great opportunity to teach them to be responsible. We have 3 young kids at home- a 6 years old, a 4 years old and a 2 years old. We don’t have a helper and we need them to be aware that even if they are young, they can contribute in the household duties. As early as now, we want to instill values that they can carry on when they get older. The kids are responsible in taking used milk bottles from the night before during the mornings inside the kitchen, even baby Zeke helps out with that. We sometimes still reminds them from time to time. Naj and Howell also automatically put their plates and glasses on the kitchen counter sink after eating. I try to remind them to fold their blankets in the mornings after their breakfast. It may not be perfectly folded but they will eventually get the hang of it. Naj is responsible in watering our aloe vera plants every other day which he lovingly calls “Corny”. We help him by creating a calendar checklist for him pasted on the ref door when he needs to water Corny. He loves this assignment and never begrudging does his duties. He is a little bit sad now that his Corny ‘s leaves are turning brown so he is hoping he can still resurrect it.

5. Be present

Now that we have the kids 24/7 at home, I try to be mindful to be more present with them. We love slow breakfast mornings together when I don’t have morning work duty. I try my best to put my phone away when I am with them. I try to soak in the moments that I have with them – listening to their imaginative stories, praising their creations, nap times with them, cuddle times in the bed, watching cartoons with them, doing our nighttime prayers. Upon the insistence of my kids, I try to join their hide & seek games, Sticky Popcorn Catch me If You Can, race from bedroom to living room & back again until my stamina allows me. Though after like 2-3 runs in their game, I would tell them , ‘Mommy needs to rest for a bit to catch my breath’. It is a great exercise for me too, hehe…

I hope parents out there might find this list helpful. Kisses to your little ones. I pray this Covid 19 will go away hopefully by 2021. Inshallah!

BLOG TRAIN: HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGED ME

October 19, 2017 by Little Miss Honey 2,005 Comments

I stared at her – that person in front of me. She looks similar but in many ways, she seems different. Her hair has few strands of grey. Her eyes mirror a sense of wisdom but also a tinge of worry and cautiousness. Look closer you’ll see, her eyes reflects the people that she loves the most – her husband and two little boys. The skin below her eyes have darkened from the sleepless nights caring for her young boys who sometimes would cry at night when they don’t feel well or when they need milk. Her face seems rounder than the memory of the woman who looks like her. Her body packed more cushioned fats especially in the mid-section with traces of vertical white stripes decorating her belly like a permanent tattoo. I tried to touch the large keloid scar just 2 inches below her navel stretching up until her pubic bone. It looks like an ugly big distorted brown zipper that was purposely placed vertically across her lower belly. But in spite of its gruesome aesthetics, I find it beautiful like a mark of a beautiful story. I looked at her face again and I smiled, she smiled back. This woman is tired but I can feel that her heart is full of love and contentment. Her happiness encompasses all the struggles she is facing because she found meaning in her life. For the first time, she knows one of the reason for her existence. She knows her purpose, her vocation. Her vocation is motherhood. She smiled even widely which turned into an uncontrollable laughter when she saw a glimpse of her two wacky active boys, age 3 and 1, looking from behind her while she is staring at the mirror. Yes, that woman is me.

I never knew I wanted to be a mother. I wasn’t one of those young girls who cradle their dolls, lying down the hammock, singing a lullabye and pretend to be their mother. I may be the eldest of 4 siblings but that nurturing part of me never emerged when we were growing up. Even when I was in the age of marriage, I was dreaming of having a wonderful husband to share my life with and I worry at the thought of being a parent, if I have the capabilities of one. I know that motherhood is the hardest job in the whole world. I wasn’t sure if I am up for that role.

My husband and I got married at May of 2013. We did wanted to have kids right away. My husband was the most excited. He already have a name for him- a name that resembles his name spelled backward. (Yes, he was a lucky guesser because our eldest was indeed a boy.) When I took the pregnancy test on one night of Aug of 2013, I cried when I saw that I wasn’t still pregnant. I realised that I am ready. Something inside my yearns to be a mother. So by September of 2013, I took a home pregnancy test on the day I expected my period to arrive. The pregnancy test stick showed this bold (+) sign indicating that I was pregnant! I was so excited but I was still not sure. After my husband and I said our dinner prayer before we ate the crab dish he cooked, I placed a white envelope containing the pregnancy test stick. I said, “Look at this.” He opened it and stared at me in disbelief and pure happiness. He said, “Is this real?”. I said, ” I don’t know” with a mix of excitement and confusion. He then bought another pregnancy test kit after our dinner to be sure. And yes, it was really positive, I was pregnant.

The next 9 months was wonderful time for me, counting out the first few weeks of pregnancy when I was so unexplainably tired and the last few weeks before my pregnancy when I was really swollen, super heavy and suffering from PUPP. I love feeling my growing my belly, knowing I will be meeting someone special soon. I was glowing with so much love inside of me. I would talk and sing to my unborn baby and I cherished the moments when I feel him stir and kick. The time when Naj was born was very eventful night. I almost thought I would lose him. When I talked about it, it still bring tears to my eyes. Just the thought that I would have never met Naj breaks my heart. That night, when doctors told me that my baby’s heart beat dropped and they need to perform an emergency caesarean section. I was scared but I am willingly to do anything of my son. When the doctors have trouble in performing a spinal anaesthesia so they can start the caesarean operation, I was so scared and I was continuously praying. I said, “Lord, if you will take away Naj please bring me with you. Because I couldn’t bear to wake up knowing that I lost him.” When I woke up from the general anaesthesia, I was assured that my son was fine. I got to hold him 3 days after my delivery and it was the most beautiful feeling.

How Motherhood Changed Me

Motherhood changed you into someone who would surprised you. Never in a million years I would have ever though I would have the strength, the patience, the endurance, the capacity to love so much until I become a mother. My body, my mind , heart had transformed in many ways that allowed me to love so much. Motherhood is hard I have to admit but it is, oh so, worth it. My husband and I are grateful that we were given a chance to experience the joys of motherhood and fatherhood. Our lives maybe chaotic, crazy and noisy but it is also filled with laughter, little kisses, warm hugs and lots of Disney sing-along nights. I think of my sons every minute of every day. They are my reason for living. They are my present and my future. I make sure that I give them my undivided attention and be present all the time. This is something that I have been struggling with and not allow digital distraction to veer away my attention and my presence towards my kids. I think of my kids when I make decisions today and think of how it may affect their future. I work hard to give them a brighter future. Every day , I leave our place to head to work before the sun rises and I try my best to go home before the sun sets. One of the best time of the day is when I arrived home and I open the door, my two sons would run towards me with so much glee, shouting, “Mommy!” It is the best feeling ever!

Motherhood made me appreciate simplicity and slow-living. I love the simple life now. I prefer a life that is devoid of chasing the unnecessary, and keeping up with the Joneses, a life that is filled with what truly matters like quality time with loved-ones, contentment, unconditional love and loads of laughter. We don’t need much to be happy. Family days can be spent at home, cuddling in bed while we watch our kids’ favourite cartoons. We don’t even need to spend much.

Motherhood made me physical strong. I didn’t know I can carry two kids at the same time. My boys are very clingy and I am an advocate of attachment parenting. Thanks to trusty baby-carriers, I would carry both of my boys before (when they were a little younger) at home while doing chores or exercising. Their weight helped me in my exercise too, hehe. Motherhood not only made my muscles strong, I was surprised I endured excruciating pain from early stage of breastfeeding, sleepless nights and being wrestled & tackled by my two active boys who like typical boys, finds rough playing fun.

Motherhood made me love breastfeeding. I never thought I would be an advocate of breastfeeding but I truly advice mothers to try to breastfeed. I cannot explain the special bond you would feel when you breastfeed your kids. I love that I am able to nourish them. I am happy I get to comfort them and provide them their needs. Breastfeeding can be a struggle but I am glad I forged through the struggles and managed to breastfeed Naj for 7 months and Fynn until 1 year. I did mixed my two kids with milk formula but I am glad I incorporated breastmilk as well.

Motherhood made me love travelling. Travelling with kids can be challenging but I enjoy the memories we create when we travel with our kids. And I can’t wait to create more memories with them.

Motherhood made me appreciate my own mother. I never knew the struggles and joy of being a mother until I become a mother. It made me think of my mom and how much she try to do everything for us. Motherhood is not about perfection but it is a journey of self-discovery – a discovery of who you truly are, your strengths , your core values and what truly matters. It made me salute all the mothers in the world. We are all trying our very best and we don’t have all the answers. I don’t think there is a specific module how to be a good mother because every child is different and the needs are different. If there is another thing, I learned about motherhood is that we should cut other mothers some slack not impose our own preconceived notion of what a good mother should be. Can we just mind our own business? If that mother give her child, that milk bottle, don’t judge. If that mother allowed her daughter to scream bloody-murder in the mall and exhibit her tantrum drama for everyone to see, don’t judge. If that mother gave her child a piece of big chunk of chocolate during dinner time, don’t judge. I would like to believe that motherhood is a beautiful harmonious community, helping each other not a snarly mean-girls club with rules to follow.

Motherhood made me see time in a different way. Time is precious. Time is for loved-ones and the important things in life. I didn’t have to obsess about growing my Instagram following so I put my phone down when I am at home & hold off doing Instagram liking and commenting to increase my Instagram engagement with people I barely know. I don’t have the desire to work overtime at work to impress my boss. I didn’t have to say ‘Yes‘ all the time to everything & everyone and spread myself thin.

Motherhood is beautiful poetry in life that I have the good opportunity to participate. I fell blessed to be experience this in my lifetime. I thank God gave this wonderful gift to me a mom to Naj and Fynn. I know I may not be the best mom and I may be made a lot of mistakes along the way but I am doing my very best.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to experience this motherhood journey with my kids. This post is part of the ‘How Motherhood has changed me?’ Blog Train hosted by Mums&Babies. Click on the photo to read the motherhood stories shared by 41 moms from Singapore, India and USA on this blog train.

Next up, we have Sharvi of Start Moms Blog. She is a mom to a 22 month toddler, a girl named Ovi. She is an engineer, a former hotelier and trainer for Hyatt chain of hotels, worked for Hyatt’s in India and Singapore, currently managing an interior design business and part time blogger. She love creative arts, have been trained in music and love anything stationery or planner related. She would love to write a book someday.

LETTER TO MY SON

August 8, 2014 by Little Miss Honey 2,598 Comments

I have been MIA from a blog for more than a month. But I have a very good reason for it. I gave birth to an adorable baby boy!!!! Yes, I just gave birth last 29th of June via caesarean section. I want to take this opportunity to write a letter to my 5weeks old baby.

Dear Son,

You don’t know how much joy you brought in your dad and my life when you came. When we learned that I am expecting you, I stared with so much amazement at the two sticks that indicated that I will be having you . I felt so blessed that I am going to be a mother to you. I avoided anything and gave up things that might harm you while you are still inside my womb. Every trip to my doctor got me excited because I can see a picture of a silhouette of you taken by this nice lady or I would hear your strong fast heartbeat. My doctor said, “Your son got a strong heart”. I say, ” I pray he will have a kind heart too.” In the middle of my pregnancy, there was a time when I got worried I might lose you. I cried walking back to our home here in Singapore. I went to several doctors for opinions and I prayed. I prayed really hard with your dad. But you are a fighter and all was well.

I was overjoyed when I started feeling your gentle kicks. First, it felt like tiny butterflies in my stomach or tiny fishes swimming gently inside. I would talk to you often. I tell you of my day, about your dad, that I love you so much and that I am so excited to meet you. I would sing to you often and even let out a few rap songs too. I would do yoga poses or swim in our pool to keep my strength up and I would think that we are both doing yoga together or swimming in the pool together. Soon, your gentle kicks grew stronger. You would kick or nudge hard when I would type vigorously on my computer when I’m working or when there are loud noises. I would feel a hand pushing up one side of my tummy. I would put my hand where your little hand is and think that we are holding hands. I would monitor your movements day and night even when I am working to make sure you are doing okay inside me. Your dad would come home asking me how is his little boy doing the whole day. He would talk to you every night. When I sleep at night, I could feel your dad touch my tummy and feel if he can catch your little movements. I would lie often on my right side because it seems to be your favourite position. When I turn to the left, you seem to be shifting uncomfortably so I would go back the right position. Then, in several weeks, you became an even more active little boy. You would kick like football player, box like Manny Pacquiao and do karate chop like a seasoned karate kid. And yes, Mommy, often gets surprised and shout, “Ouch!” even at the middle of patient consultations. Yes, you are a strong boy and your excitement inside my belly hurts. Hehe, but its okay my baby, I still love you. Only a mother thinks those pains are adorable. It makes me happy and it tells me that you are well inside.

You started you get so big. By the last few months of my pregnancy, you often crave for chocolates. I have to control myself. I didn’t want you or me to have any complicated delivery because of too much intake of sweets. I said, “Please Naj, your next chocolates will be outside my womb.”

Then, we were set to go home to my and your dad’s hometown, the beautiful Iloilo City. We want you to be born in the City of Love because you are born out of love. You are planned and so wanted baby. The majority of the course of my pregnancy was a bit easy breezy except on a few lethargic sleepy episodes for two weeks during the early part. But the last few weeks of pregnancy was tricky. I had the worst rashes and swelling on the lower part of my body. It was excruciating and hard but let me tell you, baby, you are worth all the aches and pains and all the tiny little rashes that appeared in my body.

By 37 weeks, the whole family and our friends were all so excited to see you. I pray fervently every night. I asked the help of St. Gerard, patron of pregnant mothers. I talked to you every night. Your dad also prays every night for you and always ask that you will wait for him to come out when he arrives in Iloilo City because he was still in Singapore. I thought you would come out sooner but you were such an obedient little boy. You know when you came out? Exactly on the day when your father arrived in Iloilo.

When I started my labor, mommy didn’t feel much pain. My labor was progressing well and fast. I was imagining of seeing you already. But along the course of my labor, your heartbeat dropped to a dangerous level. The doctor have to open my belly up to get you out as soon as possible rather than the usual way where babies come out. It was scary for me because it is a major operation but I am willing to do anything for you. It took longer than usually for the operation to start. I prayed and prayed for your safety. You see, I don’t want to lose you. I rather die than not have you. Yes, baby, that is how much I love you. You see, your dad have always wanted you even before he and I met. He always wanted to have a firstborn son and he wants to call him, Naj, a mirror image of his name, Jan. I would like your dad to have you. There can be no one but you. We also gave you another name, Raffaele, an Italian name meaning ” healed by God”. True to your name, you were indeed healed by God. After a stress-filled delivery, everyone in that operating room were all tensed and anxious, all hoping for things to go well. When you came out, you cried instantly and they all let out a sigh of relief, baby is okay. Yes, your breathing was too fast than usual and you are unable to be fed for days because you cannot tolerate feeding. But you are a fighter baby. You are our little warrior. At a young age, you made me admire your strength. Someday, when you grow up and you would doubt your ability to face adversity, I will remind of the day you are born. You fought your way to life like a confident warrior. Though you have to be administered antibiotics, inserted a tube into your mouth to your stomach to let out some bad fluids, given IV injections and have to stay in the hospital for 7 days, you looked so cool like one healthy baby.

I cried because after giving birth to you, I haven’t seen or hold you for three days. On the day, I was able to hold you and smell you, I was high on so much happiness. It is like meeting the love of my life. Come back to me when you experience your first love and I’ll tell you, multiple that 10x that is how I felt when I saw and hold you in my arms. I am amazed that you are barely 1 week old but you got the perfect latch when I tried to breastfed you. Though I could tell you got frustrated because I didn’t have milk. But I researched and did everything so milk will come in so I can nourish you naturally.

When we brought you home, you should see the joy in our eyes. Your dad held you like a precious gem. He hasn’t held you since you came out, you see. He wasn’t allowed yet. So imagine his happiness when he got to hold you for the first time. He is so proud of you.

We love you so much Naj. We will do everything to give you a good future and guide you to become a man you are destined to be. We are not perfect but I hope our unconditional love for you can compensate that. My son, you are so worth it. I hope these words will resonate throughout the days of your life, don’t ever forget that and never allow other people to tell you that it isn’t so.

Love, Mommy