Last Sunday was Mothers’ Day. Allow me to share you my thoughts on motherhood. You see, I am not one of those girls who always dreamed of being a mother. I rarely play with dolls and pretend they are are my kids. when i was younger, I dreamt of becoming a wife and I don’t mind not being a mother at all. I guess the notion of taking of a fragile human being and being responsible for how he/she turns up scares the hell out of me. Now, it is surreal that I am currently a mother of two (boys!). I never realised the joy of motherhood until I am a mother myself. It is like a secret society where you can only understand the unique language of mothers until you become immersed into that role. Now I get it why mothers love talking ‘annoyingly’ about their kids  and flashing the photos of their kids to other people unnecessarily. But I have to say though, motherhood is not a walk in the park either. It is not for the faint-hearted. Believe me when I say it’s hard. It is really hard being a mother. First of all, it takes a toll on your body. You endure sleepless night changing diapers & feeding them. Nobody told me the pain of breastfeeding and the time you have to spend to store breastmilk for your little one. The ache & pains of your body carrying heavy diaper bag, picking up a toddler’s toys and carrying them. Did I mention that your body will never return back to the way it used to be – you have been marked – scars, stretchmarks and all? But apparently all these are nothing compared to the love you feel for your children. It is unexplainable. My heart swells 10x bigger than its original size when I think of them. I love them so much that I couldn’t believe I can love someone that I just met. And everyday my love for them grows deeper and deeper.

Motherhood has changed me and made me a better person. My children inspires me to become someone they will admire and be proud of. Though honestly half of the time I don’t know if I am doing it right. Am I neglecting them? Am I spoiling them by doing this? Am I being too strict and rigid? It is a series of trial & errors and I am praying that I am not doing more errors than the right ones. It is funny that when you become a mother, you get a thousand of unsolicited advice from people who think they know better. Especially now, mothers are bombarded with so many information. Some of them are contradicting that it is hard to keep up which to follow. There are gazillions of baby books claiming the “shoulds” of taking care of your baby and child-rearing. When I had my first son, I aspired to be that  mom who does exclusive breastfeeding, uses only cloth diapers, feeds her baby only organic puree real food, does baby-wearing and does everything singlehandedly without a nanny. But I realised I cannot do it all. Yes, some supermoms can but I have to admit I couldn’t be a supermom. I felt guilty that after my firstborn turned 7-months I cannot exclusively breastfeed him because of my dwindling milk supply and have to switch to mixed feeding with formula. I find using the regular diapers far more convenient so we ditched the cloth diaper all together. I am a full-time working mom so it was a lot of effort in my part in making baby food for a week  & freeze it which my baby doesn’t seem to like eating at all that end up I buying ready-made baby food in the grocery. I feel like a total failure. I hate admitting those “deadly sins” to moms who can do it all. But just because I can’t be the supermom that the society paints what a mom should be that doesn’t mean I love my kids any less. Take  a look at this video.

Motherhood is not a competition. There is no school how to be a perfect mother so we do our best and learn as we go along. Now that I have another baby, I have learned to relax a bit and enjoy being a mom to him and my toddler without pressuring myself to be perfect. Time flies you see. I prefer to hug then a little longer, stare at their innocent eyes and hear them giggle.  I may not have the super-skills to do everything (though I couldn’t help but be proud that I can do most things one-handed, multitasks without blinking, wake up a few times at night without being sleepy at work – I think those are some mommy powers right there), but I know that I am doing my very best. All mothers are doing their very best. Let us celebrate all the mothers in the world. I know first hand how hard it. I now have appreciated my mom even more now that I am a mother. It may be hard. It may take away most of my precious time. It may cause my body to sag and inflate with scars & cellulite. It may cause me heartaches now and then. It may turn me into a worry-wart . It may cause me to lose my patience. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love being a mom. I thank God every day for the gift of motherhood. Motherhood taught me the real meaning of  true love.