mommy

BLOG TRAIN: HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGED ME

October 19, 2017 by Little Miss Honey 134 Comments

I stared at her – that person in front of me. She looks similar but in many ways, she seems different. Her hair has few strands of grey. Her eyes mirror a sense of wisdom but also a tinge of worry and cautiousness. Look closer you’ll see, her eyes reflects the people that she loves the most – her husband and two little boys. The skin below her eyes have darkened from the sleepless nights caring for her young boys who sometimes would cry at night when they don’t feel well or when they need milk. Her face seems rounder than the memory of the woman who looks like her. Her body packed more cushioned fats especially in the mid-section with traces of vertical white stripes decorating her belly like a permanent tattoo. I tried to touch the large keloid scar just 2 inches below her navel stretching up until her pubic bone. It looks like an ugly big distorted brown zipper that was purposely placed vertically across her lower belly. But in spite of its gruesome aesthetics, I find it beautiful like a mark of a beautiful story. I looked at her face again and I smiled, she smiled back. This woman is tired but I can feel that her heart is full of love and contentment. Her happiness encompasses all the struggles she is facing because she found meaning in her life. For the first time, she knows one of the reason for her existence. She knows her purpose, her vocation. Her vocation is motherhood. She smiled even widely which turned into an uncontrollable laughter when she saw a glimpse of her two wacky active boys, age 3 and 1, looking from behind her while she is staring at the mirror. Yes, that woman is me.

I never knew I wanted to be a mother. I wasn’t one of those young girls who cradle their dolls, lying down the hammock, singing a lullabye and pretend to be their mother. I may be the eldest of 4 siblings but that nurturing part of me never emerged when we were growing up. Even when I was in the age of marriage, I was dreaming of having a wonderful husband to share my life with and I worry at the thought of being a parent, if I have the capabilities of one. I know that motherhood is the hardest job in the whole world. I wasn’t sure if I am up for that role.

My husband and I got married at May of 2013. We did wanted to have kids right away. My husband was the most excited. He already have a name for him- a name that resembles his name spelled backward. (Yes, he was a lucky guesser because our eldest was indeed a boy.) When I took the pregnancy test on one night of Aug of 2013, I cried when I saw that I wasn’t still pregnant. I realised that I am ready. Something inside my yearns to be a mother. So by September of 2013, I took a home pregnancy test on the day I expected my period to arrive. The pregnancy test stick showed this bold (+) sign indicating that I was pregnant! I was so excited but I was still not sure. After my husband and I said our dinner prayer before we ate the crab dish he cooked, I placed a white envelope containing the pregnancy test stick. I said, “Look at this.” He opened it and stared at me in disbelief and pure happiness. He said, “Is this real?”. I said, ” I don’t know” with a mix of excitement and confusion. He then bought another pregnancy test kit after our dinner to be sure. And yes, it was really positive, I was pregnant.

The next 9 months was wonderful time for me, counting out the first few weeks of pregnancy when I was so unexplainably tired and the last few weeks before my pregnancy when I was really swollen, super heavy and suffering from PUPP. I love feeling my growing my belly, knowing I will be meeting someone special soon. I was glowing with so much love inside of me. I would talk and sing to my unborn baby and I cherished the moments when I feel him stir and kick. The time when Naj was born was very eventful night. I almost thought I would lose him. When I talked about it, it still bring tears to my eyes. Just the thought that I would have never met Naj breaks my heart. That night, when doctors told me that my baby’s heart beat dropped and they need to perform an emergency caesarean section. I was scared but I am willingly to do anything of my son. When the doctors have trouble in performing a spinal anaesthesia so they can start the caesarean operation, I was so scared and I was continuously praying. I said, “Lord, if you will take away Naj please bring me with you. Because I couldn’t bear to wake up knowing that I lost him.” When I woke up from the general anaesthesia, I was assured that my son was fine. I got to hold him 3 days after my delivery and it was the most beautiful feeling.

How Motherhood Changed Me

Motherhood changed you into someone who would surprised you. Never in a million years I would have ever though I would have the strength, the patience, the endurance, the capacity to love so much until I become a mother. My body, my mind , heart had transformed in many ways that allowed me to love so much. Motherhood is hard I have to admit but it is, oh so, worth it. My husband and I are grateful that we were given a chance to experience the joys of motherhood and fatherhood. Our lives maybe chaotic, crazy and noisy but it is also filled with laughter, little kisses, warm hugs and lots of Disney sing-along nights. I think of my sons every minute of every day. They are my reason for living. They are my present and my future. I make sure that I give them my undivided attention and be present all the time. This is something that I have been struggling with and not allow digital distraction to veer away my attention and my presence towards my kids. I think of my kids when I make decisions today and think of how it may affect their future. I work hard to give them a brighter future. Every day , I leave our place to head to work before the sun rises and I try my best to go home before the sun sets. One of the best time of the day is when I arrived home and I open the door, my two sons would run towards me with so much glee, shouting, “Mommy!” It is the best feeling ever!

Motherhood made me appreciate simplicity and slow-living. I love the simple life now. I prefer a life that is devoid of chasing the unnecessary, and keeping up with the Joneses, a life that is filled with what truly matters like quality time with loved-ones, contentment, unconditional love and loads of laughter. We don’t need much to be happy. Family days can be spent at home, cuddling in bed while we watch our kids’ favourite cartoons. We don’t even need to spend much.

Motherhood made me physical strong. I didn’t know I can carry two kids at the same time. My boys are very clingy and I am an advocate of attachment parenting. Thanks to trusty baby-carriers, I would carry both of my boys before (when they were a little younger) at home while doing chores or exercising. Their weight helped me in my exercise too, hehe. Motherhood not only made my muscles strong, I was surprised I endured excruciating pain from early stage of breastfeeding, sleepless nights and being wrestled & tackled by my two active boys who like typical boys, finds rough playing fun.

Motherhood made me love breastfeeding. I never thought I would be an advocate of breastfeeding but I truly advice mothers to try to breastfeed. I cannot explain the special bond you would feel when you breastfeed your kids. I love that I am able to nourish them. I am happy I get to comfort them and provide them their needs. Breastfeeding can be a struggle but I am glad I forged through the struggles and managed to breastfeed Naj for 7 months and Fynn until 1 year. I did mixed my two kids with milk formula but I am glad I incorporated breastmilk as well.

Motherhood made me love travelling. Travelling with kids can be challenging but I enjoy the memories we create when we travel with our kids. And I can’t wait to create more memories with them.

Motherhood made me appreciate my own mother. I never knew the struggles and joy of being a mother until I become a mother. It made me think of my mom and how much she try to do everything for us. Motherhood is not about perfection but it is a journey of self-discovery – a discovery of who you truly are, your strengths , your core values and what truly matters. It made me salute all the mothers in the world. We are all trying our very best and we don’t have all the answers. I don’t think there is a specific module how to be a good mother because every child is different and the needs are different. If there is another thing, I learned about motherhood is that we should cut other mothers some slack not impose our own preconceived notion of what a good mother should be. Can we just mind our own business? If that mother give her child, that milk bottle, don’t judge. If that mother allowed her daughter to scream bloody-murder in the mall and exhibit her tantrum drama for everyone to see, don’t judge. If that mother gave her child a piece of big chunk of chocolate during dinner time, don’t judge. I would like to believe that motherhood is a beautiful harmonious community, helping each other not a snarly mean-girls club with rules to follow.

Motherhood made me see time in a different way. Time is precious. Time is for loved-ones and the important things in life. I didn’t have to obsess about growing my Instagram following so I put my phone down when I am at home & hold off doing Instagram liking and commenting to increase my Instagram engagement with people I barely know. I don’t have the desire to work overtime at work to impress my boss. I didn’t have to say ‘Yes‘ all the time to everything & everyone and spread myself thin.

Motherhood is beautiful poetry in life that I have the good opportunity to participate. I fell blessed to be experience this in my lifetime. I thank God gave this wonderful gift to me a mom to Naj and Fynn. I know I may not be the best mom and I may be made a lot of mistakes along the way but I am doing my very best.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to experience this motherhood journey with my kids. This post is part of the ‘How Motherhood has changed me?’ Blog Train hosted by Mums&Babies. Click on the photo to read the motherhood stories shared by 41 moms from Singapore, India and USA on this blog train.

Next up, we have Sharvi of Start Moms Blog. She is a mom to a 22 month toddler, a girl named Ovi. She is an engineer, a former hotelier and trainer for Hyatt chain of hotels, worked for Hyatt’s in India and Singapore, currently managing an interior design business and part time blogger. She love creative arts, have been trained in music and love anything stationery or planner related. She would love to write a book someday.

GOAL: FIT HAPPY PREGGY MOMMY

November 13, 2015 by Little Miss Honey 19 Comments

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was one clueless lady. I was confused of all the changes going on with my body. I was too overwhelmed with new phase in my life, I didn’t know what I was doing, let alone even thinking of having an exercise regimen for my expanding body. After giving birth, the challenge of being a new mom set in and the struggle of being nanny-less, exhausted, breastfeeding, full-time working mom resulted not only having a cute healthy baby boy but also retaining a pesky hard-to-get-rid-of 5kg post-baby extra weight. And while I was still struggling with my 5 kg weight excess in my short stature for the past 12 months (yes, unfortunately for petite people, 5 kg can be very noticeable compared to taller people. Sad but true.), I found out that I am again pregnant.

So I entered my second pregnancy with a bit more knowledge of what is in store for me and I vowed to keep my self healthy and fit this pregnancy. I know that exercise and keeping fit during pregnancy will not only be beneficial for me and for my baby as well. My first trimester, unfortunately, was a little more challenging now compared to my first pregnancy. I only felt nauseous from 6 weeks to 8 weeks in my first pregnancy but in my current pregnancy, it stretched out to 14 weeks! I wasn’t able to incorporate any exercise at all because I was feeling dizzy, nauseous and ready to vomit anytime. So instead I concentrated on healthier food choices and eating breakfast. Before I wasn’t pregnant, I never eat breakfast. I would just rush off to work and have coffee at the clinic. My first meal would be by 1PM. Even in my first pregnancy, I hardly eat breakfast too, just crackers or yogurt. This time, I take the time to have a proper breakfast with brown rice and some protein. During lunch time, I would pick vegetarian options. During dinner, I would suggest more on fish or vegetables dishes.

After 14 weeks of pregnancy, I was nausea-free! So I started to do yoga again every morning before work. Here is the yoga sequence that I do every morning:

Credit: www.twentysomethingandstarving.com

I also got inspired to buy work-out clothes. I am not much of a shopper but it seems that now that I am pregnant, I seem to frequent Nike Outlet in search for cute stretchy gym clothes. I used to be dumbfounded how to dress myself when I was pregnant before. Now I realized the trick is to look for clothes made of stretchy fabrics. I love that there is a lot of options in sport clothing store. I just have to look for an outfit that is not tight on the belly and find a size that is a little bit bigger than my pre-pregnant state but not too loose as well . It feels good to look cute in my gym clothes even with my growing belly. It helps also that I use my stretchy work-out tights to replace my pants for casual outfits by pairing it with a boyfriend shirt or flowing long blouse. I have to buy a bigger sneakers for my weekend walks because my shoe size went up a size higher.

I try to do low-intensity 30 minutes cardio exercises 3x a week and add some weight-training to tone the muscles with lighter weights.

I am not aiming to be svelte model preggy mom but a healthy fit momma this pregnancy. I am currently in my 21 weeks of pregnancy. My belly might be bigger than my first pregnancy when I was in this stage, maybe because of my loose abdominal muscles but I felt more energetic and also 10x happier. Yes, exercising increases the endorphins, the happy hormones, in my system. Happy mommy equals happy baby.

I am also taking note not to eat or at least avoid junk foods, sweets, gluten and sodas. I also make it a point to drink at least 8 glasses of water. I also make sure I have adequate sleep at night and try to squeeze in naps if I am tired during the day. I schedule mediations in the morning and have prayer time at night.

Any preggy moms out there too? Let’s strive to be a fit happy preggy mommies all for the sake our little one…. If you have any tips to achieve being a fit happy preggy mom, please do share……

Disclaimer: This post may contain text linkage

EXPAT DIARIES: REBECCA – A SINGAPOREAN IN SWEDEN

August 4, 2015 by Little Miss Honey 31 Comments

“(Wikipedia) ‘An Expatriate (often shortened to Expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country other than that of their citizenship. The word comes from the Latin terms ex (“out of”) and patria (“country, fatherland”).

This blog aims to discover people who are adventurers like me, venturing out in a new place to call home and creating memories. I have previously lived with my parents and siblings in the Saudi Arabia when I was in high school. I have enjoyed and cherished my memories in the beautiful Sandbox I once called my home. Now, I am in a new adventure with my husband and son here in Singapore.

I am featuring Expats in different countries every two weeks to share their experiences and adventures with you and me.

Today, I am featuring a cool gal who I met at work here in Singapore who is also a blogger and a mom. She just recently move to Sweden with her husband and adorable toddler. She is currently back here in Singapore for few months. Meet Rebecca.”

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Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and where you are originally from?

My name is Rebecca, 23, married to a British (he’s mixed Iranian, Swedish and Finnish born in the UK) with a son turning 2 this September. I am born and bred in Singapore for 23 years of my life and my husband came to live in Singapore with me for a little over 2 years. We’ve recently made a decision to move to live in Sweden with our son.

What made you move to Sweden? How long have you been here?

My mother-in-law is Swedish and she moved back to her home country from the UK 2 years ago. When my husband went out of job due to his company relocating to Taiwan, and I was unemployed as well. we decided take the opportunity to visit her and my grandmother-in-law with our son. They have not seen him since they came to Singapore to visit for 2 weeks when my son was 4 months old. He was 18 months old when we finally visited them, and they have missed out a big part of their (great) grandchild’s first year of life. We wanted to let them spend as much time with their (great) grandchild as we can, and my Swedish permanent residency has also been approved, so we decided to book a flight with a 3 months return.

3 months is quite a substantial amount of time that we considered living there permanently if my husband manages to get a job within that 3 months, and he did! And tada, we’re moving to Sweden! We made this decision also because I want to take care of our son on my own and that means we will be a single income family. In Singapore, my single income and ‘solebreadwinner-have-no-CPF-as-he-is-a-foreigner’ family would not be able to get our own home. We are able to get our own place and survive on single income in Sweden. Nothing beats being there during your baby’s first few years, as they are only going to be babies for that long…

I have only been in Sweden for 3 months during the visit. My husband has already went back as he has work there and I will be flying back with my son early September.

What do you miss about your home country?

I will miss my family and friends, of course. And I will miss the nightlife as Sweden’s everything closes at 5-6pm, with only a few pubs open till midnight whereas most places close late at night or are open 24 hours in Singapore. I will also miss the warm and sunny weather here as I can do much more things in hot weather than in the cold. It is cold and gloomy almost all year round in Sweden, seeing greens and feeling warm only for 1-3 months out of 12.

Being able to get deals on groupon.sg, deal.com.sg etc. and shipping cheaper items from China with readily available shipping agents here will also one of those things I’ll miss in Singapore once I’m there. They don’t have such offers or services in Sweden.

What are the wonderful discoveries and things you like about in Sweden?

Sweden is really beautiful in summer. There are greens and pretty flowers of all colors everywhere. They have a lot of different places of nature where you can see moose, horses, cows and other animals running freely or in a farm at the countryside. I also like that healthcare is affordable/free for all people who resides there. Having said that, their hospitals prioritize emergencies and might not even see you if they think you have a minor sickness that will go away on its own with rest and fluids. They don’t advocate medications and prescribe them unnecessarily as much as some doctors in Singapore do.

The houses in the countryside are also very affordable and comes with a big piece of land for you to do whatever you want with it, be it to build another small guesthouse, a children’s playhouse, a garage, a fruits AND/OR veggie garden, and just about anything.

Preschool fees are 1-3% of your pay (capped at ~ SGD$201/month) or free if you’re unemployed. School for children aged 6 to 19 (preschool class through upper secondary school) is free of charge, with free lunches. It is a great welfare for single-income families or those with financial difficulties.

What are the 3 tips you can give to fellow expats in Sweden or those you planning to move here?

According to Sweden.se, after you got your residency permit, the first important thing to do is to register with the Tax Agency and obtain a personal identification number, and get a resident ID card. You can only open bank accounts, use credit cards, pick up packages from the post office etc. with the card.

Second is to get insured by registering with the Swedish Social Insurance Agency (Försäkringskassan). Every resident is entitled to certain benefits such as basic healthcare, parental benefits, child allowances, disability coverage and other insurance payments, so getting set up with the Social Insurance Agency will ensure that you are covered, should something unforeseen occur while you’re still settling in. You will have to bring your letter of decision by the Swedish Migration Board.

You can find more tips on the Sweden’s website www.sweden.se so the last one will be a personal tip.

When you move to a new country to live in, it will be difficult initially but with time, you learn and apply, you experience and adapt. There are goods and bads in every country but seek for all the good and appreciate them.

The LITTLE MISS HONEY community gets inspired through travel, food and books. Can you tell us your current FAVORITE TRAVEL SPOT, current FAVORITE FOOD/RESTAURANT DISCOVERIES & current FAVORITE BOOK?

My favorite travel destination so far is Gran Canaria. It is a really nice holiday island with good food which are not overpriced.

My favorite food is the mix and match salad from The Salad Fork. I like their combination of veggies and carbs, especially the sweet potato!

My favorite book is ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ by Harper Lee. It was my secondary school literature text but I still love it now.

Where do you get your inspirations? Who or what inspires you?

My environment and life situations I’m in inspires me.

Tell us more about your personal blog.

I have been blogging on and off since 2009 and I do it mostly as a hobby. I like to experiment with HTML codes as well so I always try and look for new templates to try and also edit it to how I like it better. I hope to able to be a successful blogger one day with sponsorships and collaborations.

I believe you are also quite an entrepreneur, can you tell us more about your online business?

I started out with Carousell, selling brand new/preloved stuff that I don’t use (anymore) and they sell really well so I thought why not earn some extra income from buying and selling. I source for cheaper than local retail price products from all over the world and resell it online. I have also registered for a company and my own domain, www.mommyslittlehelper.com.sg. As I haven’t been doing much advertising and the website is not SEO optimized yet, the sales are not very good but I’m sure with time, more people will know about it and buy it from my online store.

I know that you are a mom to a very adorable toddler. Can you give some advices on raising a boy? My little boy just turned one last month.

Thank you very much for your sweet compliment! He can be quite a handful at times, especially with similar aged friends around. I try to be firm when disciplining him and talk in a stern tone when he gets naughty. When he starts being rough with people, I would smack his hand and say not to do that, and tell him that it’s painful. I will also ask him to ‘sayang’ and hug the other party. He understands. You have to keep explaining things to him whenever you can and repeat it. Babies learn through imitation and repetition, visually and aurally.

Also, don’t panic if he falls down and sustains superficial injuries, instead, assure him that you will clean it, apply some medicine and it will be ok. When you panic, it makes him feel more afraid, and he cry and fuss more as he thinks it’s normal to do that each time he falls. Boys will be boys, they are more rough in nature. Let them learn to be independent from young.

Lastly, can you share with what is your inspirational mantra in life?

“Once a person is independent of all things, his happiness will be unlimited.”

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Thank you Rebecca for letting us see a bit of Sweden and sharing your tips on raising a toddler and moving to Sweden. I am sure you are well on your way to be a successful blogger and online entrepreneur. For collaborations and sponsorships with Rebecca, head over to her blog: http://sapphirebones.blogspot.sg.

If you are an expat or know any expats who are interested to be featured, drop me a line at littlemisshoneyblog@gmail.com.”