mommy blogger

MATERNITY LEAVE IS NOT A PAID VACATION

July 17, 2018 by Little Miss Honey 950 Comments

My friends would message me when I was on my maternity leave how lucky I am that I get to rest from work and relax all day at home. I do feel lucky I get to spend more time with kids. However, I may have rested from office work but juggling 2 constantly fighting toddlers and a fussy newborn can be challenging. We all know how tired a mommy can get be with a new baby while recuperating from child birth, and in my case, caesarean operation. Though I feel blessed and happy that I was given opportunity to spend extra amount of time to be with them but I hope people would not easily assume that my maternity leave was like a fully paid luxury spa trip. I need it to allow my body to regain its energy from my 38weeks of being pregnant. I need it so my body can recuperate from child birth and allow my painful caesarean tear to heal nicely. I need it to spend time to bond with my new baby. I need it to give extra play time, constant hugging and story time with my two toddlers so they wouldn’t feel like all my love attention is now only for their new brother. I need it so I can breastfeed my baby, do unlimited latching and constant skin-to-skin contact to encourage good breastmilk production. I need it so I can get some extra time to experience how it would feel to be a proper housewife by waking up my husband to work, making his breakfast, cooking dinner and happily filling him up on the funny cute things the kids did for the day when he gets home with both of us lying in bed to rest before we eat dinner. I need it so I can tutor my firstborn who is going to school and go for parent-teacher meetings. I need it so I can organised our home and our files & paper clutter which I can never do when I was working. I need it so I can create a daily routine for my kids which my helper would follow when I start working. I need it so I can see my eldest boy off to school when his school bus fetch him at home. I need it so I can get to have funny conversations and tickle fest with my second-born. It is wonderful and challenging at the same time. It is still work in a way. But a work that I wouldn’t mind doing and it is definitely worth it. Yes, like most jobs you would still have to do time-management, practice patience and resilience, must multi-task, learn negotiating skills (especially to a strong-willed toddler), conduct captivating presentations (like storytelling and leverage on your other talents like cooking, singing, dancing & drawing.

So no, it is not a luxury spa or a paid holiday. Mommies also put in loads of work (and loads of laundry) during maternity leave. It is not an easy breezy phase in a mom’s life. That is why she needs to take a break from her current livelihood to work on just this – “Being A Mom”. And don’t scoff on that “Being A Mom” statement. All mommies would agree that it is the hardest work out there.

I believe that it is essential for all mommies who just given birth to have an adequate maternity leave to just concentrate for the next few months to be just a mom. (But please don’t neglect your husbands too. Be a wife too. That is as important as being a mom. Because you need to care for your partner to build good building blocks to nurture your kids.) If you don’t believe me why maternity leave is so important. Go watch Ali Wong’s Hard-Knock Wife on Netflix. She is on point and so hilarious.

Despite its bits of struggle and agony, I still wish maternity leave would last for 6 months. Some even advocate maternity leave to be as long as 1 year.

My maternity leave has ended and I started working this Monday. I am entitled to 8 weeks maternity leave (which includes weekends & public holidays) as a foreigner employee. I added 3 more weeks to stay home with my boys, using my annual leave. I learned that in the United States, under the Family and Medical Leave Act, you are entitled to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for the birth of your child. In France, as long as you are covered by the French social security system, you can take 16 weeks of maternity leave with full pay, and up to 26 weeks if you are having your third child. In Denmark, parents can receive a total of 52 weeks of paid leave per child from the government. In the U.K., paid maternity leave can extend to six months. I learned Oman expats are given 50 days paid leave.

I couldn’t bare to part with my kids just yet inspite my body’s occasional quiet screaming for a break or an alone time. Those days of me as a (temporary) stay-at-home full-time mom were blessings to me. I enjoy being with my 3 little boys. I love to seeing their happy faces when they wake up and see me still lying beside them in bed. They would often give us a cheerful “Good morning Mommy & Daddy!” or sometimes if they are still quite sleepy, they would snuggle closer to me, to give me a hug with a smile on their faces. (Yes, we co-sleep our 3 boys. I might get scolding from those who are anti-co-sleeping. But this works for us so please let us be.) It is nice to have time to be with my kids. I get to play with them, talk to them, watch movies with them, tutor Naj in his school work, breastfeed Zeke the whole day, nap with Fynn and get unlimited hugs & kisses through out the day.

On my first day of work, when my eldest got home from school at 3:30 PM, he hurriedly ask our helper, “Is Mommy home already?” I left early to work with them sleeping and I got back home & they were already asleep. (My workplace is so far away from our home.) Yesterday, I managed to get home earlier than my 1st day back to work. My two elder boys saw me from the glass window of our unit and they were screaming excitedly like their Super Hero character in the flesh, “‘Mommy! Mommy!” They ran to the front door to open the door for me. Upon getting a hug and a kiss from Naj and Fynn, I took Zeke who is squirming from my helper’s carrier. I learned Zeke does not like my expressed milk or formula milk that much. So I breastfeed him automatically, before I did anything else at home. Awww, my boys are adjusting too with me going back to work.

Maternity Leave is a necessary leave that should be given to mothers to provide adequate attention for her newborn (& other kids) and allow adequate time a proper recuperation & for mothers to regain back their strength that was lost during pregnancy and delivery. But no, it is definitely not a paid luxurious vacation.

Expat mommies around the world, how long are your paid maternity leave entitlement?

MOM OF BOYS

January 30, 2018 by Little Miss Honey 1,234 Comments

I am currently on my 6th month of pregnancy to Baby #3. Our family and friends are all excited on the gender reveal of Baby #3. Hubby and I have always planned to have kids with 2 years age gap, aiming to have 3 kids (still deciding if we want 4 kids) to complete the family.

Early this month, my little family along with my parents, crammed into a small taxi heading to the hospital for my scheduled detailed ultrasound scan and excited to know our baby’s gender. It was no secret, we wanted a girl. I have two boys, two wonderful active boys and we wanted to feel how it’s like to have a daughter to raise too. Plus I have two sons who clings to their mommy possessively, I would love for my other half to experience the clinginess that I heard would be directed to the daddy if you got a daughter.

In the ultrasound room, I was accompanied by my husband and our funny rambunctious kiddos who kept climbing up and down the stretcher, lying down beside me, hugging & kissing me and asking too many silly questions while I am being prepared for the scan. We had a nice experienced Filipino lady radiology technician who was understanding enough not to mind the rowdiness of our two boys and just smiled at the sweet chaos they creating in her ultrasound room. She asked us instantly, “Do you want to know if your baby is a boy or girl which was replied with an excited “Yes!”

Then she squeeze the cold ultrasound jelly into my gravid 6-month belly, her expert hands maneuvered my protruding abdomen with swift strokes and said, “Oh no, still a boy.” and she let out a little nervous laugh. We asked her politely if she can checked again which she obliged with a knowing smile and confirmed her initial findings.

Though my succeeding sentiments of that revelation would cast a shadow of sadness to my beautiful soon-to-be son when he reads this, I hope he would forgive his mommy’s imperfect human heart and I hope he would believe me when I say to him,” It’s not you, it’s me. You are wanted and you are loved so much by us.”

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Allow me to explain. I have always thought I would have a daughter, growing up to a family of women (my mama is the youngest of 7 daughters, no brothers). I have always been a girly-girl and dreamt of sharing girly advice on makeup, fashion, love and friendships to my daughter. I always believe I would be a great mom to a girl (now, I am thinking otherwise.) I nervously thought I will have a girl for my eldest because of my mom’s side of the family having a strong heredofamilial tendencies in having female offsprings but my hubby and I really wanted a boy for our first-born. God granted us our wish.

We went to dinner after our trip to the hospital. I got to have a little moment alone with my husband and I looked up to him and asked, “Is it ok if we will have only sons?” He said, “Of course, you will be our Queen.”, giving me a quick kiss on my forehead. He also added, understanding what I felt with no words uttered, “Please don’t be sad, ok? We don’t want our baby to feel that.” He also wanted a daughter so much but what is important for him is that we have a healthy normal baby. Just a little side note for people to understand, I have delivered both my kids via caesarean section with only 2 years gap (it is actually advisable to give at least a 3 years gap) & now going thrice, it can be a risk for uterine rupture if I go for a 4th one. Plus I am also nearing an age which is high-risk for further pregnancies. So I guess, my apprehensions for going for baby#4 are valid.

That night, I prayed to God. I thanked Him for the wonderful blessing of life. My baby is strong and healthy. I felt his active kicks constantly already. We are so excited to meet him and we have been choosing baby names already. We told his two Manongs about him and they were so excited. They keep kissing my belly. I also wept on the possibility that I will never ever have a daughter. I asked for forgiveness for my ungrateful heart when I have been blessed with so much already and I would imposed my selfish whims to God’s will.

I wiped my silly tears away. I felt calmer and gave in to God’s plan for my family. He knows best. He always have a perfect reason why life happens as they do. And I smiled and I let go. I will not allow this childish expectation to cloud the joy of meeting my son. We have decided to name him Zeke – Jaron Zeke. We think it is a very beautiful name. Jaron is variant of Yaron, a Hebrew name meaning “He who sings or shouts praises” and Zeke is from another Hebrew name meaning: “God strengthens, or may God strengthen.”

I started searching for kindred mommies who have all-boys and they were all happy for being spoiled with attention from their boys. They believe that raising boys are easier and they felt cool having an all-boys club at home. They will always be the Queen in the house. They did warn me of the crazy days of dealing with cuts, bruises & bleeding gums from active plays and having hoard of little cars, little airplane & toy guns scattered on the floor. I would probably start to enjoy hiking and staying outdoors more. I will have to learn about sports teams, the rules of their favorite sports, cheer if I must but stay neutral if they have opposing teams. I smiled when I read this article online. I may have been destined to be surrounded by handsome strong men to protect me for life.

I don’t know if we will ever have our own daughter but for now, I am happy at the thought that I will be a mom of boys, excited even. Am I up for the challenge? Can I really do this? I brush my doubts for now and just enjoy at the beautiful surprise God has laid out for me.

Fellow mom of boys, I would love to hear more stories from you and please share with me some tips & techniques in raising boys. Do drop me a line or we could arrange a meet-up, wouldn’t that be fun?

BLOG TRAIN: HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGED ME

October 19, 2017 by Little Miss Honey 1,621 Comments

I stared at her – that person in front of me. She looks similar but in many ways, she seems different. Her hair has few strands of grey. Her eyes mirror a sense of wisdom but also a tinge of worry and cautiousness. Look closer you’ll see, her eyes reflects the people that she loves the most – her husband and two little boys. The skin below her eyes have darkened from the sleepless nights caring for her young boys who sometimes would cry at night when they don’t feel well or when they need milk. Her face seems rounder than the memory of the woman who looks like her. Her body packed more cushioned fats especially in the mid-section with traces of vertical white stripes decorating her belly like a permanent tattoo. I tried to touch the large keloid scar just 2 inches below her navel stretching up until her pubic bone. It looks like an ugly big distorted brown zipper that was purposely placed vertically across her lower belly. But in spite of its gruesome aesthetics, I find it beautiful like a mark of a beautiful story. I looked at her face again and I smiled, she smiled back. This woman is tired but I can feel that her heart is full of love and contentment. Her happiness encompasses all the struggles she is facing because she found meaning in her life. For the first time, she knows one of the reason for her existence. She knows her purpose, her vocation. Her vocation is motherhood. She smiled even widely which turned into an uncontrollable laughter when she saw a glimpse of her two wacky active boys, age 3 and 1, looking from behind her while she is staring at the mirror. Yes, that woman is me.

I never knew I wanted to be a mother. I wasn’t one of those young girls who cradle their dolls, lying down the hammock, singing a lullabye and pretend to be their mother. I may be the eldest of 4 siblings but that nurturing part of me never emerged when we were growing up. Even when I was in the age of marriage, I was dreaming of having a wonderful husband to share my life with and I worry at the thought of being a parent, if I have the capabilities of one. I know that motherhood is the hardest job in the whole world. I wasn’t sure if I am up for that role.

My husband and I got married at May of 2013. We did wanted to have kids right away. My husband was the most excited. He already have a name for him- a name that resembles his name spelled backward. (Yes, he was a lucky guesser because our eldest was indeed a boy.) When I took the pregnancy test on one night of Aug of 2013, I cried when I saw that I wasn’t still pregnant. I realised that I am ready. Something inside my yearns to be a mother. So by September of 2013, I took a home pregnancy test on the day I expected my period to arrive. The pregnancy test stick showed this bold (+) sign indicating that I was pregnant! I was so excited but I was still not sure. After my husband and I said our dinner prayer before we ate the crab dish he cooked, I placed a white envelope containing the pregnancy test stick. I said, “Look at this.” He opened it and stared at me in disbelief and pure happiness. He said, “Is this real?”. I said, ” I don’t know” with a mix of excitement and confusion. He then bought another pregnancy test kit after our dinner to be sure. And yes, it was really positive, I was pregnant.

The next 9 months was wonderful time for me, counting out the first few weeks of pregnancy when I was so unexplainably tired and the last few weeks before my pregnancy when I was really swollen, super heavy and suffering from PUPP. I love feeling my growing my belly, knowing I will be meeting someone special soon. I was glowing with so much love inside of me. I would talk and sing to my unborn baby and I cherished the moments when I feel him stir and kick. The time when Naj was born was very eventful night. I almost thought I would lose him. When I talked about it, it still bring tears to my eyes. Just the thought that I would have never met Naj breaks my heart. That night, when doctors told me that my baby’s heart beat dropped and they need to perform an emergency caesarean section. I was scared but I am willingly to do anything of my son. When the doctors have trouble in performing a spinal anaesthesia so they can start the caesarean operation, I was so scared and I was continuously praying. I said, “Lord, if you will take away Naj please bring me with you. Because I couldn’t bear to wake up knowing that I lost him.” When I woke up from the general anaesthesia, I was assured that my son was fine. I got to hold him 3 days after my delivery and it was the most beautiful feeling.

How Motherhood Changed Me

Motherhood changed you into someone who would surprised you. Never in a million years I would have ever though I would have the strength, the patience, the endurance, the capacity to love so much until I become a mother. My body, my mind , heart had transformed in many ways that allowed me to love so much. Motherhood is hard I have to admit but it is, oh so, worth it. My husband and I are grateful that we were given a chance to experience the joys of motherhood and fatherhood. Our lives maybe chaotic, crazy and noisy but it is also filled with laughter, little kisses, warm hugs and lots of Disney sing-along nights. I think of my sons every minute of every day. They are my reason for living. They are my present and my future. I make sure that I give them my undivided attention and be present all the time. This is something that I have been struggling with and not allow digital distraction to veer away my attention and my presence towards my kids. I think of my kids when I make decisions today and think of how it may affect their future. I work hard to give them a brighter future. Every day , I leave our place to head to work before the sun rises and I try my best to go home before the sun sets. One of the best time of the day is when I arrived home and I open the door, my two sons would run towards me with so much glee, shouting, “Mommy!” It is the best feeling ever!

Motherhood made me appreciate simplicity and slow-living. I love the simple life now. I prefer a life that is devoid of chasing the unnecessary, and keeping up with the Joneses, a life that is filled with what truly matters like quality time with loved-ones, contentment, unconditional love and loads of laughter. We don’t need much to be happy. Family days can be spent at home, cuddling in bed while we watch our kids’ favourite cartoons. We don’t even need to spend much.

Motherhood made me physical strong. I didn’t know I can carry two kids at the same time. My boys are very clingy and I am an advocate of attachment parenting. Thanks to trusty baby-carriers, I would carry both of my boys before (when they were a little younger) at home while doing chores or exercising. Their weight helped me in my exercise too, hehe. Motherhood not only made my muscles strong, I was surprised I endured excruciating pain from early stage of breastfeeding, sleepless nights and being wrestled & tackled by my two active boys who like typical boys, finds rough playing fun.

Motherhood made me love breastfeeding. I never thought I would be an advocate of breastfeeding but I truly advice mothers to try to breastfeed. I cannot explain the special bond you would feel when you breastfeed your kids. I love that I am able to nourish them. I am happy I get to comfort them and provide them their needs. Breastfeeding can be a struggle but I am glad I forged through the struggles and managed to breastfeed Naj for 7 months and Fynn until 1 year. I did mixed my two kids with milk formula but I am glad I incorporated breastmilk as well.

Motherhood made me love travelling. Travelling with kids can be challenging but I enjoy the memories we create when we travel with our kids. And I can’t wait to create more memories with them.

Motherhood made me appreciate my own mother. I never knew the struggles and joy of being a mother until I become a mother. It made me think of my mom and how much she try to do everything for us. Motherhood is not about perfection but it is a journey of self-discovery – a discovery of who you truly are, your strengths , your core values and what truly matters. It made me salute all the mothers in the world. We are all trying our very best and we don’t have all the answers. I don’t think there is a specific module how to be a good mother because every child is different and the needs are different. If there is another thing, I learned about motherhood is that we should cut other mothers some slack not impose our own preconceived notion of what a good mother should be. Can we just mind our own business? If that mother give her child, that milk bottle, don’t judge. If that mother allowed her daughter to scream bloody-murder in the mall and exhibit her tantrum drama for everyone to see, don’t judge. If that mother gave her child a piece of big chunk of chocolate during dinner time, don’t judge. I would like to believe that motherhood is a beautiful harmonious community, helping each other not a snarly mean-girls club with rules to follow.

Motherhood made me see time in a different way. Time is precious. Time is for loved-ones and the important things in life. I didn’t have to obsess about growing my Instagram following so I put my phone down when I am at home & hold off doing Instagram liking and commenting to increase my Instagram engagement with people I barely know. I don’t have the desire to work overtime at work to impress my boss. I didn’t have to say ‘Yes‘ all the time to everything & everyone and spread myself thin.

Motherhood is beautiful poetry in life that I have the good opportunity to participate. I fell blessed to be experience this in my lifetime. I thank God gave this wonderful gift to me a mom to Naj and Fynn. I know I may not be the best mom and I may be made a lot of mistakes along the way but I am doing my very best.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to experience this motherhood journey with my kids. This post is part of the ‘How Motherhood has changed me?’ Blog Train hosted by Mums&Babies. Click on the photo to read the motherhood stories shared by 41 moms from Singapore, India and USA on this blog train.

Next up, we have Sharvi of Start Moms Blog. She is a mom to a 22 month toddler, a girl named Ovi. She is an engineer, a former hotelier and trainer for Hyatt chain of hotels, worked for Hyatt’s in India and Singapore, currently managing an interior design business and part time blogger. She love creative arts, have been trained in music and love anything stationery or planner related. She would love to write a book someday.