It has been more than a week since the TV series that made the whole Philippines (and some parts of the world) where Filipinos stopped whatever there were doing and got transfixed unto their TV sets to cry, wince, get pissed and hurl strong reactions through social media had finally ended. The Legal Wife was a nation-wide success. When it is on, Facebook and Twitter would be flooded with violent and colourful reactions about the series. You could tell that ‘The Legal Wife’ made an incredible impact on the viewers. It was relatable and it showed an issue that people can in one way or another identify. It was also effective because fine actors like Angel Locsin, Jericho Rosales and Maja Salvador did justice to their roles.
I didn’t really watch every episodes neither did I see the ending. I just asked my sister-in-law to tell me how it ended. I only watched a few episodes after getting curious of the status updates I see regarding the show that is flooding my Facebook timeline.
Here is my take regarding The Legal Wife and infidelity. Here it goes:
Call me coward. Call me crazy. Call me strong. Call me lazy. But I have never fought for love. Even how much I deeply love a guy, I have not been a crusader of the against-all-odds love nor do I tolerate infidelity. I can take a lot of things and my patience is admirably long but if third party is involved or my parents would upfront tell me, “I don’t want him for you”, I would give up the relationship with heavy heart but I would. But for the record, my parents had never dictated me to end a relationship. But yes, I have been cheated on before.
During advertisement breaks between a The Legal Wife episode, there would be celebrities that would give their own comments and reactions regarding the series. Daphne Osena-Paez commented echoes my same sentiments. If you cheat, I leave. I believe that we are empowered women and we can survive without being attached to our man. If you are earning well, takes good care of your appearance and confident in your abilities, I don’t see why you couldn’t function without your man.
But you say, how about the kids? I believe that it is not healthy to be in a household with both parents not being in a harmonious state. It is best to explain the situation to your children why you need to part ways and to make them understand that it was never their fault. If being in separate houses too traumatising for your young kid, you can still stay in the same household until the time your kid(s) can understand why you need to be living separately. But it is important that since you made this rule, make sure you are both just partners in child-rearing. No temporary lapses of weakness by allowing occasional hooking up with each other to appease moments of “hormonal” needs. If you can’t stick to this and better not make this arrangement.
As Kris Aquino said (I can’t believe I am getting love advices from her), ‘When a relationship is broken, better leave it rather than picking up the pieces which can only get you more cuts and getting hurt in the process’.
There is no need to be ashamed that you will be husbandless and people will talk. I rather people will talk than stay in a relationship which makes me a fool and eventually lowers my self-esteem for tolerating being cheated on. Pining for a person who prefers to canoodle with another woman than his legal wife doesn’t deserve to be chased. He has made his choice and I will make mine. Though it may require buckets of tears, occasional screaming when I am alone and a metal-hard strong will to walk away, I will do it for myself, my sanity, my kids and our future. This will allow me to me to be open for a better person to come along and love me how I truly deserve. If Monica (the legal wife) finds that reconciliation with Adrian (the cheating husband) is not possible, there is always Max. Plus in my opinion, Max is more of my type than Adrian, teehee….
But if you are a bit of a vengeful legal wife, you can also get separated without being annulled especially if your husband is loaded (translation: rich). You see, even if you are separated but you haven’t gotten the annulment, you are still entitled to get a portion in his will. This is one revenge you can do to the mistress and she & your husband will never get a chance to get married. Look at Gretchen Baretto. But if I were, if you don’t want anything to do with your husband, cut the strings. Be gone and live a stress-free life. Revenge is a waste of energy.
Did I like the ending of The Legal Wife? Yes I do. The ending is for intelligent audience similar to the ending of “Before Sunset”. It allows audience to make their own ending depending on their views. Yes, there can be a possibility of reconciliation but it was shown that the legal wife became a stronger wife.
But let us step back a bit. Before you wave the flag of being an Gabriela Silang of Cheated Legal Wife, examine yourself first why your husband cheated. Sometimes there are reasons why they do what they do. So do your part as good wife first before playing the ‘victim’. Though I may not be the most qualified person to give advice since I have only been married, happily at that, for 1 year and I never had infidelity issues with my husband, just hear out some of my unsolicited advices in the hopes of keeping your husband. I will however put a disclaimer on this that following these might not guarantee you keeping your husband from cheating nor would I predict if I can keep my husband faithful forever (but then again, that is his loss, teehee.)
1. DON’T NAG
Men hate noises. Nagging to men is like a cat scratching a piece of wood. It is irritating and annoying. This is one trait men cannot tolerate and prefers to be in a company of a less-annoying woman.
2. BEAUTIFY YOURSELF
Men say that women are unfair. They wooed and chased you before and when they finally got you, you stopped trying to be physically attracted. They felt cheated like you put on a show. Aggh men! You see, men are visual creatures. They are attracted to beautiful and shapely women. Yes, we can counteract by saying we have sacrifice our bodies to bear you kids on top of doing most of the domestic chores. Believe me, your wailings will be not heard of. Beautifying yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you to maintain the 24inch waist line of your college years. With the struggle of weightloss after childbirth and slowing of metabolism, we can have an achievable 27 inch waistline or still manage to try to wear flattering clothes. We should try to avoid frumpy clothes, still look presentable and spritz perfume. What is important is that you still try to look good. Looking good makes you feel good. And It is best that you do this for yourself so you’ll feel more confident as suppose to doing it solely to keep your husband. Incorporate exercise in your lifestyle. It releases hormones to make you happy. And a happy wife is always a nice person to come home to.
3. HAVE YOUR OWN HOBBIES/FRIENDS/INTERESTS
Did you remember when your husband was still crushing heavily on you before he made a move to ask you out? From a distance, besides being attracted to you physically, some men like you because you were passion about something or you were very good at something. You were a star athlete or you were immensely enjoying the book you were reading or you were a compassionate crusader of stray dogs. You have your own life. Your hubby used to see you laugh heartily with your own friend over a cup of lattes. And what attracted him the most was your carefree laugh. But now all your interest and your life revolves in only him. A man wants a woman who has her own identify, who knows what she wants and she is. This is an admirable character. Men likes to learn from you and your world that make you intriguing.
4. BE CONFIDENT
This is similar to number 3. Confidence exudes sexiness. A mediocre-looking woman with confidence is more attractive than a pretty lady with self-esteem issues. You lit up and glow if you are radiating confidence. And a man knows that if you are a confident woman, you know your worth and you can walk away anytime once you think you are not being treated as you should be treatd.
5. TREAT HIM LIKE A KING
You might think this is counterproductive of being a sassy independent woman. You see, men (sorry to say this, guys) have big but sensitive egos. They want to be the leader and king of their home. They will find it demeaning to be “under the say” to their wives. And I believe as women we shouldn’t be too caught up of proving ourselves to the world that we burn our aprons and recipes book to the ground. I like the ladylike aspect of being domesticated to cooking for my husband and keeping our home tidy. If we go biblical with this, it is specially our roles as wives to submit to the leadership of our husband. I don’t see anything wrong with that. But also make sure you are not being abused to being a slave and there should be a good share of division of housework too. This doesn’t mean you have to do ALL the housework at home. Make your husband the king of your home because he will treat you like a queen. And being a queen is much fun (and powerful too) than being a king hehe.
6. TELL HIM STRAIGHT
One of the complaints of men towards women is that we never tell them what we really want. We assume that they can read between our sulky moods, our “no” which means “yes”, our silent treatment and unexplained crying. Men are simple creatures. They don’t like to guess. Tell them straight what you want, what you need from them and what you really feel. Don’t say I don’t want flowers on Valentine day but get sulky when he didn’t bring home any flowers and expect him to just know that you actually want flowers. Tell him that you get pissed when he spoke to you like that. Tell him that his closeness to his flirty officemate is making you jealous. It simplifies & clarifies things and makes life much drama-free.
Shows like The Legal Wife and movies like The Mistresses or No Other Woman does create paranoia among women. It is very hard to trust men nows days. Everywhere you see women much sexier and prettier than you. It is tempting to do regular checks on your husband’s email, phones or social media account to make sure there is no “Nicole” in the picture. But then I realise this is giving you something to worry when you don’t need to be. Its like looking for something you don’t want to look for. Though, in my previous relationship, I found out through this. I realised that hounding on your partner’s emails or facebook account just would bring you more anxiety than good. Just trust. Plus a woman’s instinct is better than her detective skills. If he is a cheater, you will eventually find out.
8. BE A GOOD MOTHER
You maybe following all the advices mentioned but if you don’t know how to take good care of your children, this can be a big turn-off. Husbands couldn’t help feeling more loving towards you when they see you being a good and nurturing mother to his children. I have seen men who gets upset and disappointment when their wives rely on the nannies to do all the caring and mommy-stuff towards the kids.
9. BE HAPPY
Have you heard the saying: ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’. It is nice to go home to and be with someone who is cheerful in life. No one likes the company of a depressed, sulky complainer. A happy person is the best companion in life. Greeting your husband with a smile when he gets home makes him enthusiastic to go home after a tiring day at work. He would envision a life full of laughter and fun with your kids. Why would he look for another woman when he is satisfied with his life, right?
Always pray, pray, pray. We cannot do anything with God’s guidance and blessing. Pray for your marriage and family life. Prayer can move mountains. Pray that your love will endure the test of times.
Like I said, these tips are not guarantees that your hubbies won’t cheat. There are men who are too weak to fight temptation ( like say a Solenn Huessaff-look-alike seducing them), men who is in a midlife crisis, men who wants validation that they are still desirable, men who want to see if he can get away with it, men who got bored & wants a bit of fun, men who fell out of love with his wife & fell in love with someone new and men got drunk & allowed alcohol to dictate his actions. Though for me, these are not justifiable reasons.
My motto: Fool me once then its goodbye…
Stay strong, Legal Wives! We got the upper hand on this. And to all Nicoles in the world, go see a shrink and resolve all your insecurity issues. ‘Yon lang…