You surprised me and your dad. The day we found out we were having you, we were laughing with joy because we didn’t expect it. It is one of those kind of nice surprises in life where you receive a wonderful gift when you least expect it. Like a bouquet of flowers in a regular day, a dinner treat after a rough day at work, a smile from an unexpected person, a letter from a long-long friend. I remember the day perfectly. It was a Sunday. I got a magical wand that checks mommys if they are pregnant. And that magical wand turned bright pink with a symbol of a cross which means ‘Mommy is pregnant!’ Your dad asked me what the magical wand say. I hid the magic wand behind my back and I was laughing uncontrollably. Your dad, like a wise prophet, knew the answer. And he joined me in my laughter. We may not have planned it but we wanted you and we overjoyed knowing you will be a part of our family. We went out for dinner to celebrate.
My first three months being pregnant with you was slightly different from your Manong. I had nausea a bit more but I had a bit more energy. I maybe sleepy at home but thankful, I wasn’t sleepy at work. Then after 14 weeks of being pregnant with you, all the bad nauseous feeling when away. It was such a breeze being pregnant with you after that. You love how you wiggle often in my belly that I don’t need to be anxious how you are doing there. It is like you are saying, “I am okay here, Mommy.” When I passes my 1st trimester, I would often craze for 1 iced coffee and beef pao. I often would have that for lunch. I also make sure I dont have more than 1 glass of coffee because I don’t want any bad side-effects to you inside.
I tried to make it a point during my pregnancy with you that I would keep a happy disposition and a healthy diet. I can tell it has made an impact in you. A few weeks before I have to give birth to you, we have to fly back to your dad’s and my hometown in the Philippines. I am so happy Nana and Lolo are there to take care of me and you.
Do you know that we chose the date of your birthday? We are glad we can prepare for your coming. We chose March 9 because your dad is born on January 19 and your big brother is born on June 29. You see, you all got the 9s in your birthday. Isn’t that cool?
The night before I have to give birth to you, I was scared. During the time I give birth to your big brother, it was a blur of events and nothing went as planned. I was sleeping when Manong Naj arrived. But now with you, we know when you will arrive and how you will be delivered. I have never delivered a baby awake so I am a bit scared that the painkiller will not work and something wrong will happen. I was praying and crying the night before. But God assured me that you will be ok, that we will both be ok. And I slept peacefully.
The day of your birth, they wheeled me in the operation room at 6:30AM. They started to prepare for your arrival at 8:00 AM. At 8:45 AM, there you are. I was a bit groggy from the medicine but I saw you. You are such a handsome boy. I kissed you in the cheek. If only you can stay with mommy a little longer but they have to clean you up already.
I was resting in the recovery room. I feel like I want to vomit, maybe because of the medicine but all I wanted is to go back to my room and they bring you with me. I asked the kind nurse if possible they can put you beside me so I can breastfeed you. Ah, I am so filled overjoyed when they placed you in the crook of my arm. You dont know how to latch yet but thats ok. You are an expert now. In just few days, we went home.
Thank you for not making it hard on mommy. You are not a fussy baby and only cries when you are hungry. (Though it seems like you are hungry all the time, haha.) I love taking care of you. I love bathing you, changing your clothes, cuddling you to sleep. Thank you for giving me another try in taking care of a baby while I am simultaneously honing my skills in taking care of a toddler. I apologize if now you have to share my attention with your big brother. I would like to say sorry if at times I have to rush to your Manong when he cries when he falls down and I have to put you in the crib. I am sorry if I have to hand you to Dad when Manong is not feeling well and mommy have to care for him. I am sorry if I have to leave you & Manong in the morning because I have to work. Mommy is overwhelmed a bit that I get to take care of two handsome boys but don’t worry, I learn fast. Mommy will soon be a pro in taking care of both of you. Thank you for being understanding at mommy’s shortcomings and being a good baby for mommy to take care. I am trying my very best to take care of both of you. I love you both equally without any conditions, no ifs or buts. I love you two so much that I feel like my heart would burst.
You have filled my heart so much love and happiness. I love hugging you when we sleep at night. I love carrying you in my cloth carriers. I like kissing your cute lips and lightly pinching your adorable chubby cheeks. I love feeling your cold cute nose. I love your morning smiles and even your funny grunts at dawn. I am honored to able to see you grow up and be a man that your dad and I will be proud. I love you Howell Fynn, my unexpected beautiful gift from God.