There are so many relationship books out there but if you are to buy only one book, this is the one. ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME? (How To Have The Relationship You’ve Always Wanted) by Barbara De Angelis
Barbara De Angelis is a best-selling author and relationship guru known and respected around the world. She made a gem of a book that answers the question that singles, lovers and married couples are dying to ask: How can I have the relationship I always wanted?
It is straight-to-the-point and honest. It is intimidating also to read actually. But I urge singles to read this before making a choice in their prospective partners and if they are searching. Even couples would benefit in reading this to give them points in how to better improve their relationship. But the scary part is when you realize that you made a mistake in choosing your partner. Though De Angelis is more of a believer of making things work than breaking things off when it is hard.
The book starts with making the readers know that Love is not enough. Let me repeat that again, Love is not enough. You will also get to test your Love IQ. You would be surprise how little you know about love or loving. Then you will be introduced to Five Deadly Myths about Love. Read the book to know more about these love myths. You will realise you never thought of those to be myths but reality before. One of the myth points out that ‘the sad truth is, very few relationships end not because the two partners do not to love teacher; they end because they are not compatible partners’ (p.29) You must make that you are just not infatuated with their image. One of the formula for a health, lasting relationship is finding a partner with whom you are compatible with. If you feel emotionally empty before you start a relationship, you will feel just as empty one you are in a relationship. (p.37). You don’t need luck to make a relationship work. You choose the Right Person and together you work hard to create closeness and harmony.
For my single friends, here are 7 Wrong Reasons to be in a Relationship:
1. Pressure ( age, family, friends, etc.)
2. Loneliness and desperation
3. Sexual hunger
4. Distraction from your own life
5. To avoid growing up
7. To fill up your emotional and emotional emptiness
Note on the #7, if you have emptiness within you, no partner, regardless of how much they love you, will be able to fill that hole in her being. Relationships are tough. You have here two person with their own set of belief system, love language, upbringing and past baggages. It would definitely be tough. But like De Angelis say, “A relationship is the best seminar in town”. Being in a relationship will allow you too learn more about yourself by looking in the mirror of your partner.‘ (p.104)
Now here are some few points for married couples. ‘If you’re married to someone who won’t communicate with you about emotions. You are not in a relationship – You have a living arrangement’ (p.209). ‘If your partner can’t identify and share his feelings with you, he’s nor ready to be in an intimate relations’ (p.269). In other words, say “Hi Roomie!” to your husband or wife if that is so. ‘Staying in a relationship with a person who cannot share feelings is a form of self-punishment’ (p.269). Everybody serves to be with someone in their lives who is willing to show you his/her love and appreciation on a constant basis. ‘Unless you want to be full-time job as a teacher, avoid relationships with emotionally stingy partner!‘ (p.267)
If you are searching you will be given 6 Qualities to Look for a Mate. The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with Good Character, not simply a Good Personality. Yes, there is a difference. So Mr. Prince Charming might not be the Right Person for you. ‘Character determines how a person will treat himself, you and, one day, your children. It’s the foundation of any health partnership. ‘(p.266)
Now, let’s talk about sex, baby. ‘Sex is really just a mirror for us – a mirror that reflects the state of our mind, our heart and our soul‘ (p.303). Sex is important in married life which should be ingrained to the minds of both husband and wife. It is created by God for marriage to allow couples to show each other how much they love each other in a very special way. ‘Good sex has nothing to do with true love but making love does’ (p.46)
How about if you realise you made a mistake in choosing your partner? Don’t jump into that conclusion in the first ugly sign of conflict you encountered with your partner. Here are 3 Ingredients to Make your Relationship Work:
Nothing is impossible if both partners try to make things work. ‘Yearly anniversaries are perfect time to recommit to your partner.’ (p357). ‘Marriage is not a piece of paper. You are emotionally divorced when you closed your heart to each other.‘ (p.349)
I like that the book was organised well into sections and points are in bullet form. It didn’t give your flowery
b.s. words but a practical approach on love and relationship. I highly recommend this book to singles and couples. Hey, love is an adventure – some times it can be exhilarating, some times it is disappointing, some times it is scary and some times you would feel it is the reason for living…
Love, love, love, everyone!